Hello changes in priorities! Like many girls I went to school with, getting pregnant while in college was not a goal for me. I didn’t know what was ahead of me, but I knew I wasn’t ready for a baby, and so I played it safe enough. That’s not to say that a Plan-B pill wasn’t taken once after a night of bad decisions, but that certainly put enough of a scare into me to get much more responsible about my reproductive health. And for the record, thank goodness for the campus health center and for planned parenthood. I fight for planned parenthood and for a right to choose because had I not been able to access the type of services they provide, both for a breast scare and for birth control I would potentially be living a very different life.

This is not meant to be a political post, this is just how I feel

While getting pregnant was something I feared (even when I was on the pill I thanked the stars when my period came) I knew I would eventually want to to settle down with the right guy and have some kids. Two to be exact.

It’s weird that I now think I’m ready. After years of “oh my gosh, I’m a day late! WHAT WILL I DO?!” to feeling, “ohhhh I’m a little late, maybe this is it!” there’s a little bit of disappointment when it doesn’t turn out to be “it”.

And then there’s the fear of “what if we can’t get pregnant” which is the complete opposite of how I felt in my early twenties. Talk about change in perspective. Because John and I haven’t lived together full time over the past year and a half, and we’ve only sort of been trying for the last 4 months (timing always being off according to my p-tracker app) we can’t really expect quick results.

technology, replacing calendars one app at a time

Though of course when you want something, you want it now! I have friends who blinked and they were pregnant, and other friends who have gone through fertility treatments. In my opinion it’s still too early for us to be truly worried, but I know I should schedule an appointment to get things checked out to see if we have a fight ahead of us. As the worrier in the family, I’ve made sure to discuss the “what if we can’t”. Where we stand now, we both agree that if for some reason we’re told we can’t get pregnant, we will learn to live without kids. Yes we want a baby, but I know myself well enough to know that the stress I would feel if it comes down to a lot of science and a lot of money to make it happen would not be good for my mental health or our relationship. I’m also sure  that we’re not going to adopt. As someone who was adopted I have strong opinions about it, that I will not share on my blog, or even talk about with anyone but my husband, I just know it’s not an option for us.

Fertility is such a touchy subject, as is parenting and everything surrounding the nature of creating and fostering life. As my life has changed from being something of a party girl to being  happily married, my perspective has changed. I’m excited for the possibilities ahead but I know nothing in life is guaranteed.

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