I’ve been taking time to be reflective over the past week and a half. Even before the tragedy struck on Friday, I had been taking a break from blogging due to busyness and some bigger decisions that I didn’t want to blog about. The shooting in Newtown made me realize even more deeply that what I’m about to do is the right step. It solidified to me that while I love the job I currently have, it’s sometimes very hard to deal with the subject matter that I have a big hand in putting out there. I’ve been having a crisis of conscience ever since seeing the movie Miss Representation

Newest Miss Representation Trailer (2011 Sundance Film Festival Official Selection) from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

It was powerful and I strongly suggest you see you it. I walked away from that film telling myself that I’m part of the problem but I can also turn that around and become part of the solution.

So. I quit my job.

It’s been a decision in the making. My husband and I have been discussing it for a couple of months. As I’ve mentioned before, I travel almost every week from Seattle to San Francisco. My office is north of the city, and my company pays for me to live in an apartment with a co-worker and another roommate. This means that during the week, I don’t live in the house I own in Seattle. I don’t wake up with my dog snuggling into my legs, telling me not to go to the gym because I make a really good pillow for her (we call ourselves snuggle hostages when she does this, she is a cuddle terrorist).

Cutest terrorist ever.

I miss these silly conversations that I have with my husband and dog, I miss working out with my husband on a daily basis. I have to schedule my physical therapy all over the place rather than have it set in my schedule because I am always out of town. It has been frustrating to have to go through airport security every week and to always have the panicky worry about missing my flight (for some reason fear of missing a flight has never faded for me, I’ve only missed one this entire time I’ve been traveling regularly).

Additionally trying to start grow (thanks PR, you reminded me that of course we’re already a family!) a family is VERY difficult when one spouse isn’t around. So other big news, we’ve been trying to conceive for about 2 months and we’ve got nothing to show for it. I can’t put my family on hold any longer, I’ll be 30 in August, and if I want two babies, now is the best time to get started, and most importantly, we feel ready for it, minus my job situation.

My boss has known that I want to add a baby to my family and she and I had originally semi-planned that I would leave when I got too pregnant to fly. However that pesky issue of actually getting pregnant by being in the same state as my husband had me reconsider that plan and decide to leave before I’m pregnant.

Of course I’m terrified. Like I said yesterday, I do not do well when I’m unemployed. This has been John’s biggest worry, that if I quit, and I get bored, I will not be a good person to be around.

Which leads to the next big news. I’m starting a video consulting business called SoliBear Media.

Not the official logo.

I’ve been working in television for seven years, working mainly with content and often focusing on what viewers want to see. I have two degrees in visual media, so while I’m currently feeling rusty when it comes to filming and editing, I’m ready to get polished up and start helping people make better videos. I’ll be writing more about this as I dig deeper in. I know over the last few months when I’ve been researching  how to run my own business and managing my regular job I’ve felt like Jesse Spanno. THERE’S NO TIME! THERE’S NEVER ANY TIME!, and while I haven’t started any caffeine pill addictions I have had epic breakdowns before leaving for trips down to California. That ends soon.

I plan to see out my current projects and help with a transition of my responsibilities, which will keep me coming down to the Bay Area almost every week until late February. There’s potential that I’ll consult with my current company as well. Which will be nice since going from having a paycheck every week to nothing is going to be hard on me mentally, not being able to contribute makes me nervous, even though John says that my happiness is what is most important and we’ll work out the budget.

It’s a very big leap, but so many things have been pointing me in this direction over the past few months. One of the first was meeting Teresa when I decided to fly first class in September. She was incredibly encouraging and kind, exactly what I needed to hear at that time to get the gears turning. It’s really fortuitous how chance encounters can help change your life. It’s much like when I met Chris Palmer before a presentation he was making when he first started at American University. He was the one who got me more interested in documentary film making and helped get me my first real job at National Geographic. Life works in funny ways, and I can’t wait to start this next adventure in mine.

So, who needs help with video production?

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